Communicating with Children - Part 3 NAMES

[Michael Chanley]

This is part 3 in a series on communicating effectively with our children.

As a parent, one of the toughest challenges is to communicate effectively to the many children in our lives. For that matter, it is one of the major challenges of any family. Communication is hard work.

While some adults have no problem relating, there are many individuals who, whether by intimidation or a fear of rejection, are unable to connect or relate to the kids in their community. Some struggle even to connect with their own children.

In this five part series, we will address some ideas on how to truly connect in communicating to children. I hope you find these ideas to be valuable tools in relating to and teaching your family.


Step three:
NAMES

Here is a simple exercise:
First, write down all of the names of your children. Then, write the names of all of their closest friends. Next, write down what each of those friends have in common with your children. Finally, write down any additional family members you can attach to each person.

For example: my daughter's name is Emi. Her best friend is Rach. They are the same age, attend the same school, go to church together, and enjoy the same activities/shows. Rach's family is Steve, Erin, Matt, Ellen, and Boomer (the dog).

How many names did you come up with?

Whatever the number is, I would challenge you to double it. Find out who your child sits with on the bus, at lunch, during class. Inquire about who their friends are and why they like or dislike each person.

As you do this, you will begin to uncover the values your child is placing on relationships. Are they more concerned that their friends are funny, that they are athletic, or that they are smart? Do they have a narrow range of friendships or do they find a friend anywhere they are?

Additionally, when you practice knowing who your younger child's friends are it will lead to a more natural conversation with your child when he or she becomes a teen. It won't feel fake, intrusive, or forced to ask about the person who invited your daughter to go to the prom. You are just doing what you have always done... showing an interest in getting to know your children and their friends.

It's an obvious and simple first step that begins by learning names.

Learning the names of your child's friends (and their family) will give you opportunities to build community with one another. It's no secret that one of the first steps to having strong and healthy relationships is learning someone's name. Simple enough: "Hello, my name is Michael, what's your name?" Helping your child to identify why they like certain friends will help them to be a better friend. It will help you to be a better parent; and, it will help you to be a more positive influence in the choices they make as they begin to grow into healthy young women and men.

More to come... Part 4 takes a different look at discipline.


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